Guitar Pick

So, I've been learning to play the guitar. Under the patient and supportive tutelage of my master, I have finally made it to a place where I consider myself a guitar player. It has been an exercise in patience of the highest degree...and it has humbled me in ways that I did not know were possible. There were many, oh so many times that I questioned why I was continuing to practice something that I am clearly not good at, and in those moments of doubt a theory began to form in my little brain. A theory that would eventually allow me to let it all go and just accept my inadequacies. I realized that I couldn't help the fact that I sucked at guitar, I realized that in order to be great at it...I needed a penis.
There is a reason that all of the great guitar players are men. Women can be good guitar players, but great...none really come to mind. And it's not because women are not capable of being great musicians, it's simply because the guitar was built for a man. It seduces men. Just look at it's womanly shape. All curvy in the places that you hold closest to you...and that not-so-subtle tease of the flying V, with those legs going in opposite directions...no wonder boys pick up the guitar when they are 13 and lock themselves in their basements with it. And if you look at the neck of the guitar as simply a phallic extension of men's bodies, well...genius has no choice but to emerge. Further illustrating my point is the fact that many of the guitar greats were shy, introverted, geeky guys that weren't hanging out with girls after school. I mean, how many jocks and Abercrombie models do you see rockin' the guitar? Guys that are getting the real thing, don't need to put all of that suppressed energy into an instrument. Just think about it, how many sexually repressed guys do you know right now, who spend way too much time playing Rock Band and shredding that fake plastic guitar?
I think I'm on to something here. It certainly explains why after 4 years of lessons, I can barely call myself a guitar player. And come on girls, why do we think guitar players are so hot? I think we are subliminally reacting to the intimate observation of a man very, very into his lady. So, for those of you who might be pickin' up what I'm putting down...especially the boys out there, here's a little girl-on-girl action to perk up your day.